Braving the Wilderness - North Reads' November Book

North Reads is an online book club that I host on Facebook.  We 're into self-development, and we like to read books that can open you up or encourage your most beautiful life.  That doesn't just mean self-help… we're into anything and everything that you can think of to encourage your most beautiful life.  You can sign-up to join here!

My love of Brené Brown is relatively new, but very powerful.  We take similar approaches and she bases her teachings on something I've known for a long time… be yourself.  It's not always easy, and it's not really new, but as someone who has always stood out from my peers (not for any special, sparkly reason.  I'm just a little weird.) I've always dug my heels into that point.  Being myself is what felt best, and although it left me really drained in some ways, trying to be someone else took an even greater toll on me.  I knew bring myself had to be the key, and I've been learning to address the not-so-fun parts of that as much as I can.

Well, right when I was learning to accept the differently-abled version of myself that brain surgery has left me with, in swoops Brené.  Its not like she was this big secret, she was on Oprah even.  Her show AND her podcast.  So here's me, in this weird feeling body, trying to both accept myself and be authentic in the face of more visitors than I'd ever had, when I found Brene Brown's Ted X talk.  I've attached it below, it's wonderful.  It was exactly what I needed at a really challenging point in my life.

Brené (we're not on a first name basis, but I won't let that stop me) argues throughout her book that we, as humans, find deep and meaningful connections through vulnerability.  Admitting to a mistake, telling your spouse you love them, or anything else that feels both honest and scary is where we're at our most authentic.  It's where the opportunity for connection lives, and its something we need to lean into to find support and connection in a world where being yourself is scary.

Braving the Wilderness is her newest book.  I don't read the books before the month starts, but a lot of people have, so I'll post a little review for you to read if (somehow) you're still on the fence.  Here's what the Huffington Post has to say about it:

“[Brown’s] research and work have given us a new vocabulary, a way to talk with each other about the ideas and feelings and fears we’ve all had but haven’t quite known how to articulate. . . . [She] empowers us each to be a little more courageous.”

— The Huffington Post

So tuck in to our book this month with me.  A quick little non-fiction that I've found in every bookstore I've walked past, so its no problem to get your hands on it.  Everyone needs connection of some kind, and this month we'll talk about vulnerability and leaning into fear to embrace connection.  I think this is a big deal.  I think it's the secret sauce.

Bullet Journalling: A Peek Into My Planner

I'm not the type of person who gets things exactly right.  I'm so far from detail oriented that my personal slogan should be "good enough."  In my opinion, why would anyone sweat over the details when they could make it work just as easily without an extra 20 minutes of pointless frustration?  I know I can't be the only one like this, and I do it with almost everything.  Especially my bullet journal.

When I found bullet journalling, I saw a lot of meticulous examples with tiny floral borders, and while it was cute, I was just not about it.  I wanted a journal I could customize as I went, but I didn't want a huge pain in the neck that I felt obligated to spend hours crafting every week so I could start the actual planning.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy that my Bullet Journal leaves room to have fun, but it's not a part of my daily (or even weekly) routine.  If I feel like its something I have to do, I'll resent having to do it, and if I'm going to put that much effort in, I'm going to enjoy it.  Life is too short to hold yourself to a standard that you resent meeting.

So hopefully, this will be a bit of a refreshing take on a bullet journal.  Not too cluttered, not too over the top, and it just does what I need it to do.  I really don't want to make this overly complicated or intimidating… so let me reiterate:  your bullet journal doesn't have to be perfect, every page doesn't have to look like its fresh from Instagram, and it's totally ok if you lose track of a few days.  It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to work for you! 

Now, I'm going to take you through my journal a little bit, just to get some context.  Here's a fun little page I did to ring in the new year.  I don't do these decorative pages as much as some people do, but I love that its easy to sprinkle these in if I feel so inclined: 

But on the flip side, you can keep it simple.  This is an example of one of my weekly spreads; I've done some more elaborate ones before, but to be honest I just don't find it enjoyable.  I've learned that I like a clean view of not just today, but an entire week.  That way, I know what I have on the go and I feel much more in control.

Here's my more minimal weekly spread.  My helpy boy, Biscuit, wanted to get involved and, well, I wasn't going to say no.  What a helpy boy.  Helping mum with her blog.

You can also take a look at what I'm using for a monthly spread.  I have a pretty small calendar up top, with the days of the month listed below.  That's where I'll put things like major holidays and birthdays, but it's not quite filled in yet.  The other page is where I put monthly goals, I added the yoga because that's all I could think of at the time, but I also track things like vegan dinners, meditation, and other things that I can track to try and live really well.   Monthly goals and tracking go here too, I put my social media numbers in at the beginning and end of the month, because it's an easy thing to track in terms of my goals for the blog and other things like that.

How Bullet Journaling Got My Sh*t Together (When Nothing Else Worked)

I was the child who tore through a house like a ball of chaos.  I was messy, loud, and constantly creating with things like paint, crayons, markers and tiny little pieces of paper. 

I was surrounded by organized, strong women who kept the ship on course while I could explore every weird little corner of my brain, and while that was really helpful in my creative growth, I think it also kind of helped shape me into the hot mess that my life became for my adolescence and early adulthood.  You win some, you lose some. 

I need to emphasize that this was bad, guys.  I’m talking "spend savings on a digital camera and lose it in 48 hours" bad.  I'm also talking "replace said camera and lose it in a snowbank, only to find it in the spring when the snow melts" bad.  I was a swirling mess of losing things, forgetting assignments, being exhausted (because it took so much brain power just to cover the basics in my life) and on top of that, I was given as little responsibility as possible.  I didn't have a house key.  I wasn't able to drive.  I didn't have much of a social life.  My family wasn't in the business of making me miserable, it was just clear at the time that I couldn't handle adding any more to my plate.  I was barely handling the basics, and I kind of thought that was just who I was.

Now, eventually, like most people, I started to grow out of it.  I never had the clean house my homemaker grandmother instilled into my mother, and I think that's ok.  I ate my veggies, paid my bills, feed myself and my cat, and while I didn't do all of those things perfectly, I got them done and it was ok.  Could I take on more responsibility? Was I meeting expectations that my professors had of me?  Not even close.  But I was somehow paying my rent, feeding little baby Autumn (my cat) and dressing myself, so I thought it was good enough and that slowly, I'd get better at it. 

I never really did, though.  I took my bare minimum of adulthood as far as I could, and I did try.  I really, really did.  But every time I would try to push myself and take on more responsibility, I'd burn out in a week or two, all my current engagements would crumble, and I'd feel super shitty about myself.  I'd buy a cute planner, use it for a week, get bored because it lacked a super specific function I wanted to track, and completely stop using it.  I'd straight up let my life fall into disrepair because my cute lil planner wasn't a) entertaining to use and b) not customizable enough to fit my ridiculous range of hobbies and goals.

Then, one day, while I was deep, deep into a Youtube spiral, I found Bullet Journaling.  I wish I could tell you exactly what video I found, but alas, I cannot, I can only link one of my faves below for you, one that will give you a nice overview.

This build-as-you-go planner system, full of cool habit trackers and monthly, weekly and yearly spreads that you build an fill in yourself was everything I wanted. It was engaging, fun to do, and while I don't journal daily (anymore), I could journal right in between my weekly spreads, so looking back at my old journals gives a concrete look at both my emotional state and the responsibilities and lifestyle I was leading around that time.  You can even use an index to keep yourself even more organized!

Another thing I love about bullet journaling (or #bujo) is the online community around it.  A quick search anywhere (especially Instagram, Pinterest or Youtube) will give you lots of results and ideas, from more minimal spreads to elaborate, beautiful, illustrated and colourful options.  I usually go for a more minimal option, and I don't do everything that bullet journallers do, but I've found a system, I make it my own and I've found something that works for me.  If I'm still a hot mess, I'm definitely the good kind now, like a cinnamon bun hot from the oven when the icing gets everywhere.

How I Feel Better | Some of My Tips for Self-Care

Since my recovery started, I expected that I'd get run down more easily.  At least, for a month or two.  But here I am, four months out in an almost constant state of overwhelm.  I don’t want to have to hide inside to preserve my energy, I want to go outside and be engaged and vibrant with the world around me.  It does leave me drained, though.  So when I recharge, I take it very seriously.  Here's how I do it.

RE-ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES

I've noticed since my surgery, I've really valued my privacy and personal space.  After two weeks of nurses and doctors coming as they please to poke and prick me, I feel very protective of my privacy and personal space.  Overextending myself is the main way I exhaust myself, and carving out space for myself to recover is my first step.

Often, this means cancelling or rescheduling plans, hiding out at home for a day or two and communicating my feelings with my circle.  Its crucial that I give myself as much space and alone time I may need until I've had a chance to recharge. 

HONE MY ENVIRONMENT

It's crucial that my environment has good energy.  I keep my home pretty clean, with clutter to a minimum so the eye has many peaceful places to rest.  If my home isn't in tip-top shape, I take a few hours to catch up on my chores.  That way, my home is more of a haven while I recover.  Its all about surrounding yourself with beauty and positive energy to maximize the comfort in your own home, and to make it more enjoyable I'll usually pop on a podcast and diffuse an essential oil.

BE KIND TO MYSELF

If I'm really struggling through my day, I like to show myself compassion.  I'm a big fan of Elizabeth Gilbert, who on rough days advocates saying to yourself: "hey, I see you're struggling, and I don't want you to struggle.  How can we make today a little easier? Lets do those things."  Taking time to treat myself or just lower the amount of really taxing things I have coming up is wildly helpful.  Is there a meeting coming up that's stressing you out?  Push it a day or two, if you can, to give yourself a few more days to prepare.  Did you tell yourself you'd finish all the laundry this weekend?  Just do a load or two of your must-have garments to get you through the week.  If you constantly push yourself to the point of failing, you're just attracting more failure into your life.  If you let yourself succeed (even if it means lightening your load to do so, or lowering unrealistic expectations) then you're creating positive momentum that will manifest into more success and make you feel more capable to take on even greater things.  

Life shouldn't feel impossible.  If you're setting expectations of yourself that feel impossible, lighten your load.  Don't be the person who's spreading yourself too thin, because the energy that you need to thrive in your life won't be there. 

Being kind to myself also looks like the taking the space to seek pleasure.  Got a candle you love? Burn it.  Got a recipe you love? Make it.  Book? Read it.   Now's the time to treat yourself with things you love, because you need it.  So if you've been saving something for a rainy day, giving yourself permission to indulge is such a wonderful thing to do for yourself.  

These are three cornerstones in my self-care journey, but there are many more out there.  Everyone has different struggles and different things that make life feel hard, but as a classic "people pleaser" I've found that the main thing I need to do when I'm feeling run-down is carve out more space for myself:  In my relationships by re-establishing boundaries, in my home by cleaning and optimizing my environment and in my mind by silencing negative self-talk.